Return of High Jess
by lockedinabirdcage
Summary: Seventeen years after that fateful kiss in the elevator, Nick and Jess decide to get high the day after thanksgiving for old time's sake. Their teenage daughter ends up coming home earlier than they had expected, though...(one-shot!, everything is canon!)


"Come on, Jess, it's been ten years!" Nick yelled, smiling, dangling the small Ziploc bag in front of her face, "Ellie's outta the house for the night, it'll be fun."

They sat lounging on their living room couch, the TV playing some old movie in the background that neither of them were paying attention to. Jess had set her current knitting project aside—a yellow beanie with matching gloves for their daughter, Elizabeth—since Nick had said he had an idea of what they could do tonight with the house to themselves.

Jess huffed at him, her eyebrows knitting together in concern, "Nick, I don't know, what if there's an emergency and we can't be there because—"

Nick put his hands up slightly to show he didn't want to fight about it, "Jessica," He said, grabbing one of her hands and squeezing it gently to comfort her, "She's at Schmidt and Cece's with Ruth. You and I both know all they're going to end up doing is trying to get Cece's models' contact info, spying on them online, getting bored with it, and then watching some lame indie movie on Netflix til they fall asleep, like every other Friday night." He reassured her, rubbing his thumb absently in circles over her hand.

Jess sighed as she met his gaze, the tension in her face visibly dissipating as she looked into his warm brown eyes. Ever since they had gotten back together seventeen years ago, he had always shown how much he truly wanted to be with her, how much he truly wanted _everything_ with her. _Ellie is a big girl now. She's at her godparents' house watching movies, for cryin' out loud. I'm getting old, I deserve to let loose for a night,_ she thought, squeezing Nick's hand and giggled quietly at him, "Okay, you clown, go dig out that ancient bowl from your sock drawer."

Nick quickly set the little plastic bag of weed down on the coffee table and raced to their bedroom like a little kid on Christmas morning. "Jess, we're the coolest parents ever!" he yelled from their bedroom, and she laughed at him as he came back in with a tiny, blue, glass pipe and a grinder that hadn't been used in ten years.

"Remember the last time we got high?" Jess asked, sounding wistful, as she tried and failed to blow smoke rings into Nick's face, as they sat facing each other on the couch like teenagers. She passed him the bowl and the lighter, giggling.

"Honey, you gotta do it like this," he said, tilting his head back and, blowing three perfect smoke rings into the air between them. He chuckled, remembering the last time they had gotten high, "Yeah, remember how you freaked out because you thought Ellie would somehow accidentally find the brownies you made, even though she was spending the week with my ma _in Chicago,_ while _we_ were in _Jamaica!"_

Jess swatted at his arm playfully and grabbed the pipe out of his hand, lifting it to her lips. She struggled for a second to get it to light and breathed the smoke in deeply, her throat burning until she couldn't help but cough. Her glassy, bloodshot eyes looked even more vibrantly blue than normal as she squinted through the cloud of smoke that left her lungs. She laughed quietly, waving the smoke out of her face, "She was _six!_ We'd never been away from her that long in her entire life! Don't act like you didn't cry the whole first night we were in Jamaica for our anniversary because your 'little bear' wasn't there!" she handed the bowl and lighter back to him, her gaze softening as she smiled lazily at the memory of how she'd come back to their hotel room after getting more ice and had found him shedding tears at the photo Bonnie had sent him of Ellie wearing some of his old Cubs merchandise in his childhood room.

Nick took a hit off the bowl and grinned at Jess, resting his hand on her knee next to him, "Jessica, I love you more than anyone in the world," he said, sincerity evident in his voice. He paused, squeezing her knee, and slowly lifted his head to meet the eyes he fell in love with nearly twenty-three years ago, "But I'm not gonna lie," he added, seriously, "I would immediately, without hesitation, throw you into a pit of lava, with man-eating mutant magma sharks if it meant choosing between saving you or Elizabeth."

Jess nodded in agreement and set her hand down on top of Nick's on her knee, "I would use your body as a human shield in no man's land to protect her, Miller."

Nick laughed, "I'm glad we're on the same page there, Jess." he leaned in and kissed his wife on her cheek, marveling at how he could still be just as in love with her as the first day she walked through the door in their old loft so long ago. Her hair had visible silver streaks throughout it now, at fifty-two years old. He could see the creases her laugh lines and crows' feet formed in her face, _but damn,_ he thought, _she's still just as pretty as she was back then._

"I believe horses are from outer space." Nick said, as he laid on the couch, playing with a strand of Jess' hair absent-mindedly.

"I believe that too!" she said in disbelief, as she ran her hands through Nick's slight beard. (He had been really adamant about no-shave November this year).

Nick chuckled, "Why did you always want a horse before we got married, then?"

She sat up slightly to look him in the eyes, "Because it'd be cool to have an alien in our backyard, duh." Nick nodded thoughtfully as Jess laid her head back down on his chest and continued the run her hands through his beard. "You're soft like a towel."

Nick chuckled, "Should I keep the beard then?" Jess shook her head, 'no,' violently against his chest, her glasses falling off onto the floor. "Okay, okay, I know you just like the stubble! No need to give me a heart attack."

"Wait a minute," Jess gasped, "Wait a minute! Wait a minute…oh my god, Nick," she awkwardly tried to sit up on him quickly, but in her intoxicated stupor, almost ended up throwing both of them off of the couch. They laughed almost hysterically for a minute, until Nick asked Jess what she was going to say, "Nick," she spoke in a low voice, her blue irises wide and stark against how bloodshot they were now, "I can hear…like, super well, right now, without my glasses on. I'm like, a super-hear-o. I'm just eating up sounds with my ear mouths. Oh my god!" she reached around Nick to the floor for her glasses, straining her arm and trying not to fall off the couch, "Babe, hold my legs like I'm an anchor your gently releasing into the ocean, you've got to try this." Nick chuckled and tried to hold onto Jess' legs as she attempted to reach her glasses a few feet away from the couch, but she ended up falling completely off onto the floor. "No! Nick, you dropped me into the ocean like a fishing lure!" Jess waved her arms and kicked her legs on the floor to mimic swimming.

"Jess," Nick said slowly looking around, "Where are you going?"

Jess started to army crawl over to where her glasses were, "I'm rescuing my glasses so you can be a super-hear-o too, honey." When she got to her glasses, she put them on, and then slowly took them off, gradually holding them farther and farther away from her face, as she slowly walked on her knees over to where Nick was sitting on the couch. "Oh my god, you've got to try that," she told him, sitting down on the floor in front of the couch as he sat up. "It's like I can hear what a _dog_ hears."

She handed him her glasses and he cautiously put them on. He stared at Jess for a moment before taking them off, and gasping, "Jess, you're right," he whispered, before they both dissolved into giggles, Jess throwing her head back onto the seat of the couch as she laughed.

"Nick?" Jess asked, shaking him out of his thoughts. He blinked slowly at her, and she smiled excitedly at him. "Nick? Oh my god, I just remembered we have _leftovers_ in the kitchen!" Her bloodshot eyes were wide and she clumsily scurried to the kitchen, much more slowly than she probably thought she was. She came back a few minutes later, carrying a huge serving plate of hot mashed potatoes, turkey, stuffing, corn, green bean casserole, and sweet potatoes all smothered in gravy. Jess laughed exuberantly as she set it down on the coffee table with two forks and some napkins. She plopped down onto the couch next to her husband, burrowing into his side and laying her legs across his lap. Nick looked back and forth between the food and Jess for a long moment, his mouth gaping open in wonder.

"Jess, is there a way that we can get married again, because _right now_ , I want to marry you again." His eyes were glassy as he looked at the smorgasbord in front of him.

Jess kissed Nick on the cheek and they began to dig into the plate before them. They sat in a comfortable silence, the TV humming in the background as their silverware clinked and chimed against the serving plate. With their mouths full and their brains swimming from the pot, they joked and laughed about how it was a great idea to get high the day after thanksgiving. Nick remarked that they should do this every year since weed was legal everywhere now, but Jess was adamant about her ten-year rule. "It's not as fun if you do it all the time, Nick." she'd said.

They were laughing about the time they accidentally got high off of the glue they used to make the first _Pepperwood_ book and how when Ellie was born, Nick told Jess "Congratulations, it's a paperback," as he handed her their daughter for the first time, when Jess' phone started playing " _I'm so excited! And I just can't hiiiide it!"_ over and over again.

" _Shit,"_ Nick said when he handed Jess her phone, "It's Ellie!" he grabbed the sides of Jess' arms and looked into her eyes intensely, "Jess, I know you can't stop laughing about how in the Gettysburg Address, Lincoln said "four score and seven years ago," and" Nick paused as he and Jess both tried to stifle their laughter, "and that means he basically said '4-20' and seven years ago," they both let out a loud giggle, "but I need you to be the one to talk to Ellie right now. I could barely keep Santa a secret from her the first ten years of her life, there's no way I can _not_ let he know that we're high off our asses right now."

Jess pushed Nick's arms off of her, "Ew, Nick, there's gravy _all over_ you," and then gave him finger guns, "Don't worry, babe, I've _got_ this." She waved her hand dismissively at him, as she went to answer her phone. Jess cleared her throat. When she spoke, her voice sounded a child pretending to be an adult on a prank call, "Hellooo, my beautiful child, and to what do I owe the pleasure of this telephone call on this _fine_ , fine Friday _evening_?" Nick high-fived Jess and gave her a thumbs-up, mouthing "Yes, we've got this," at her.

"Mom? are you okay? Have you been drinking?" Ellie said, sounding suspicious.

"Fuck!" Nick whispered next to Jess on the couch, "She's onto us! Nick-Knack to J-Day, abort mission, abort! Over!"

"Hold on a second, sweetie," Jess covered the phone with her hand and whispered back to him, "Shut up, Nick, we're not even using the walkie-talkies right now! And what did I tell you when we got married? My new code name is J-Mills" she uncovered the phone and put it back to her ear, "Is everything alright, El, what's up, why are you calling?"

Ellie sniffled on the other end of the line, "I'm coming home. Ruth's boyfriend came over and I don't feel like being here anymore. I'll be home in a few. I just want to go to bed."

Nick started anxiously slapping his hands across his cheeks, his mouth hanging open. Jess balanced her phone between her ear and shoulder and tried to get Nick to stop it but it just ended up looking like they were playing patty-cake while Jess glared at him. "Okay, El, we'll see you soon, be careful getting home, love you, bye!"

"Mom-?" she heard as she quickly hung up the phone and threw it at Nick.

"Nick! Pull yourself together, will you!" She yelled at him, "Okay, we have probably ten minutes to get rid of all this stuff; that's plenty of time, right?" she stood up to grab the dish and cutlery, "Woah," she whispered, gripping onto the coffee table like a life preserver, "when did the _air_ get so fuckin' _wavy?"_

Nick rushed around clumsily, bumping into the furniture as he tried to find a place to put the rest of the weed, the grinder, and the bowl, "Why did I think it'd be cool to live down the street from Schmidt after we got married?" he accidentally knocked the plate and silverware off of the coffee table, the leftover gravy splattering all over the floor. He started yelling "Ellie is gonna get home and see all of this and she's going to be so disappointed in me, and that's the last thing I've ever wanted and—"

Jess grabbed Nick by the elbow, turning him around toward her, and for a second both of their minds flash back to their first kiss and they give each other a small smile. "Nick," Jess says quietly, the sound of her measured tone instantly calming him a bit. "Calm down. Cover your ears, and sing "Landslide," and I'll take care of the rest, okay?" she squeezed his arm, trying to reassure him, "Nick, look at me. I've got your back, no matter how stupid it gets—and you and I both know, it can get _really_ stupid. Even if Ellie walks in, and we're higher than kites, I promise you, you are a wonderful father and she'll love you anyway, just like I do."

As they stared at each other for a lingering moment, the front door opened. They both jumped back from each other, startled, and froze as their daughter walked in, clad in her yellow raincoat, jeans, and matching rain boots.

Jess looked at Nick, trying to communicate with her eyes for him to let her do the talking. "Awe, look at you; a baby in a raincoat," She said as she went over to hug Ellie, "Heh, you're like a little baby meteorologist," she said, cradling Ellie's head to her chest. Ellie looked at Nick with wide, confused, concerned eyes that mirrored her mother's.

Nick was trying his hardest not to panic-moonwalk away from the situation as he stood in the living room. He knew his and Jess' eyes would give them away—that is, if the mess and _the smell_ didn't first.

"Hey Ellie-bear, Ell-bell, E-Mills, Queen Elizabeth II," Nick cringed at how much he was not helping the situation, "If so, food?"

Ellie untangled herself from her mother's arms, quickly took off her coat and boots, and slowly walked over to the staircase, tip-toeing like an old silent movie star, "Uh, no thanks, Dad, I ate at Ruth's. Uh…I'm just, uh. gonna go hang out in…my room, now..?" she said, as she grabbed the staircase railing like a mountain climber grabs a bungee cord. She was awkwardly turned sideways and trying to walk up the stairs as if they were made of ice.

Nick and Jess glanced at each other. Even in their states of mind, they could tell something was up with their daughter.

Jess walked over to the staircase and rested her hand on the bottom of the railing, narrowing her eyes at Ellie, "Hey El, why don't you come watch a movie with us?"

Nick looked at his wife questioningly. _I thought we_ wanted _her out of the room right now? Can't we talk to her about whatever is going on later when we aren't high?_

Ellie stopped in the middle of the stairs, her hands still tightly gripping the railing. "Oh, um, that's okay, Mom, really, I just want to go to—"

"Elizabeth," Jess cut her off, "Come downstairs."

Ellie slowly strode down the stairs, begrudgingly, and when she made it to the bottom, Jess took ahold of her arms and turned her around, noticing the dark stain on the back of her grey shirt, "Aha! I knew it! Nick, your daughter has the sweat back!"

Nick walked over to Jess and Ellie and stood with them at the bottom of the stairs, "I am so sorry that I cursed you with that, honey."

Jess turned Ellie back around, her face very close to her's, "You have a secret." she said, her crystal blue eyes boring into their doppelgangers, "J'accuse, Miller, j'accuse!" she held her index finger up in authority, "You fold like a lawn chair, just like your dad!"

"Mom, it's none of your—"

"Fold, fold, fold, fold—"

"It's not a big de—"

"Fold, fold, fold—"

Nick watched as his wife taunted their daughter in her stubborn, teacher voice. Their faces were inches apart, and Nick was reminded of the arguments he and Jess had. _Oh god, Ellie is just like me,_ he thought, slightly mortified.

"Ruth's boyfriend came over and we all smoked weed on the roof and I'm so high right now and I've never been high and I'm sorry, please don't send me to juvie, you're so pretty, Mom!" Ellie finally yelled as frustrated tears rolled down her cheeks.

Nick and Jess looked at each other; the house was completely silent other than the muffled sound of the television. They started snorting and laughing, looking back and forth between each other and their daughter. Ellie had shed a few more tears, her face and the white of her eyes turning pink. She looked incredulously at her parents as they dissolved into hysterical giggles. When they composed themselves and Ellie was still standing at the bottom of the stairs, dumbstruck, they each wrapped their arms around her in a hug.

After a moment, Ellie's eyes glanced between her parents hugging her, "Dad…is that a… _bowl_ in your hand?" she asked, her eyes widening.

Nick and Jess hugged Ellie tighter to them, "Elizabeth, if you ever speak of this again, I _will_ take away all of your knitting supplies, don't test me." Nick said quickly, trying to pull the _We're your parents and we make the rules_ card on her.

Jess pulled away from Nick and Ellie, "Come on, guys, we still have to go clean up that gravy." she said, walking back toward the mess of thanksgiving leftovers, "Ooh! It's the day after thanksgiving, we can finally start decorating for Christmas now, too!"

"Jess, can't we just watch a movie like you said? We can decorate tomorrow." Nick replied, putting his arm around her as they walked toward the mess they still had to clean up in their living room. "El, come on, pick a Christmas movie out to compromise with your mom, would'ya?"

Ellie was still standing by the stairs, completely shocked at the prospect of her parents _smoking weed,_ but decided not to question it for now, as she followed them towards the living area to help them clean up.

Nick put the marijuana paraphernalia back in its hiding space as Jess and Ellie got rid of the last of the thanksgiving plate mess. They all settled on their couch, Ellie sitting between Nick and Jess, remote in hand. Jess draped a throw blanket over all of their legs as she passed the last of the pumpkin pie around to them.

"What are we watching, El?" Jess asked, taking a bite of her pumpkin pie.

" _Elf_ , of course, what else?" she replied.

Nick started laughing as Jess protested, saying that she can't take yet another year of everyone nonstop singing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" at her _just_ because they think she might _kind of_ look like the actress in the movie.

As the opening credits began to roll across the screen, Ellie excused herself to go to the bathroom. Jess leaned over to Nick and giggled quietly as she said, "We are _never_ getting high again. High Jess is never making another reappearance."

Nick smiled at her, "You'll change your mind in ten years, you always do." he said, taking her hand in his.

Ellie returned and settled between her parents again as the movie started. The entire Miller family was asleep on the couch before Buddy the elf even made it to New York.


End file.
